I couldn’t believe my eyes this morning. Pizza Hut, home to what I believe is the worst pizza in the known universe, has created a position for a summer intern, or ‘twittern’ to tweet about The Hut and troll the Internet for all things weird and wonderful of interest to Pizza Hut fans.

Of course this begs the question: Pizza Hut has fans?

The last time I darkened the door of a Pizza Hut was when I stopped in at the franchise in Richmond British Columbia, hoping to rekindle the nostalgia of my youth, when we used to pool our allowance and ride en masse to the hut for double-cheese and pepperoni. I recalled the great crust, the real cheese, the sense of gut power ramping up for the ride home, fueled by saturated fat and Coca-Cola.

All I can say as a 46 year old is: iiicccckkkk. I could have used the grease that pooled atop the cheapo cheese for womens oiled wrestling. The pizza dough was nothing but dough – no crunch, no ‘crust’, just lard and flour, like an anvil rocketing down to my stomach. The pepperoni was reminiscent of tire shavings – and not nice tires either, but the kind that come from trucks working in the abbatoirs. I kid you not. The pop was flat and had too much syrup in it; it was a better example of why one shouldn’t drink soda than all the dieticians’ tomes in the known universe.

So I’ve been trying to think what this college intern is going to do all summer. Talk about a good gig if you can get it! Given that the maximum character count on a message is 140 and that there is a limit, hypothetically, of just how many twitter messages about bad pizza or anything remotely related even the most rabid fratboy with no taste can manage, this job would account for what, say 2 hours a day if we are being generous?

What else could happen in the twittersphere to dominate this non-announcement? Well, acting just like its moniker, Dominos has thrown down the funny little pockmarked rectangle and plans to twitter too.

Now that all the major brands (companies and people) have seen the twitter light, we can all look forward to the mindless consumerist surge finding its next path of least resistance and littering up what equates to the Internet’s bicycle lane with enough billboards to create a stairway to the moon.

Time for a new frontier, again!